Let me put your presumptions on pause.

This is my blog afterall and I feel I have been rejecting the ‘me’ aspect by not posting enough about me- in text. This is not a required read, but maybe you’ll find it interesting. As I, for one, find learning about others an entertaining way to pass time (granted that the information is genuine and true). Carry on if this is not your thing. However, if I’ve been lucky enough to catch your eye, and your time, then welcome to what is intended to be 1/3 rant and 2/3 more information (if you haven’t already read my about me) on who I am- just because I’m in that sort of mood and mind set. So, without further ado…

This was not intended to be in any particular order. Strictly from mind to words.

Past medical/psychological issues:

• OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) Cured
• Somniphobia (fear of dying in your sleep) Cured
• Scoliosis Cured

Current medical/psychological issues:

• Self-mutilation
• Arachnophobia (fear of spiders)
• BDD (Body Dysmorphic Disorder)
• Fear of walking up stairs in dark areas (no medical term)

Why the fascination with death, gore, and medical anomolies? Why do you want to dissect dead people for a living?

I have always been fascinated with the sciences and I exelled in that area during school. Seeing blood or gore does not bother me which is due to the ability to separate yourself emotionally from the subject- key to forensics. So, it seemed like a good match- not to mention I’m a decent problem solver. This may tie together with my love for the arts- take DaVinci for example. He dissected the human form to gain more knowledge of how to translate it into “but a shadow of the divine perfection”. (No, I am not comparing my ‘talents’ to DaVinci’s in any way.)

• I do not believe the world is going to end in 2012.
• Pro-choice.
• Non-artistically speaking, I detest the colours: yellow, brown, and orange. Also: when red/pink, brown/pink, and brown/yellow are paired together in a design/pattern.
• I try to be eco-friendly however I don’t know how much of an impact I am making.
• I have 2 sides to my personality which often conflict more than they compliment each other. No, I don’t mean anything like dual-personality disorder. For example, my fondness for black metal, death, gore, ect. yet, I also enjoy selected Hello Kitty merchandise. I was once coined as being an ‘M&M’ since I have a ‘hard outer shell’ but inside I am not as ‘rigid’, ‘unapproachable’ and ‘intimidating’ on the inside. I am a walking contradiction.
• I prefer animals instead of people.
• I enjoy both nature and city-life.

Non-materialstic things I want and/or need:

(As ‘grim’ and ‘frostbitten’ as can be, I still strive to attain a healthy and balanced relationship. Thus, the following are necessities. Prepare for sappiness.)

Unconditional love, trust, gratitude, to be appreciated, help, understanding, a hand to hold, happiness, contentedness, assistance to mend the past, strength, patience, support, honesty, someone who is not selfish, someone who is not arrogant, someone who doesn’t only see the worst in things, someone who doesn’t use pain of the past as a weapon, intelligence, common sense, reciprocal desires/goals, someone to work with, someone with good problem-solving qualities, someone who is able to see below the surface of things, someone who is not shallow, someone who wants more than just sex, someone who can accept help/guidance, someone who is not judgemental, someone who will last, someone who can be spontaneous, someone who I am on the same ‘wavelength’ with, someone who will recognize that my faults and mistakes do not make me who I am, someone whom I feel loved, cared, wanted, and need for/by, someone who appreciates the ‘little things’ in life, someone who is upfront, consideration, consolation, relief, tranquility, kindness, communication.

Relationship History:

In short, it has been immensely painful physically, mentally, and emotionally. My ex-boyfriend and I were dating for a little over 2 years and during the last 7 months of the ‘relationship’ I discovered he was dating 3 other people online, simultaneously. The rest is too painful to talk about just yet.

I hate a lot of people.

• It’s hard for me to forgive.
• As much as I wish I wasn’t, relationship-wise, I can be needy due to past trauma.
• The problems that have developed due to my past have destroyed my self-esteem. I have constant struggles with anxiety and wanting to die almost every day. These problems have been more apparent lately.
• I feel: worthless, hideous, disgusting, unworthy, empty, dull, and lost all the time.
• I constantly fear being a burden to others.
• I constantly fear not being enough.
• I constantly fear being alone/abandonment.
• I constantly fear being emotionally damaged.
• I constantly fear the incompetence and inability of others to be honest.
• I constantly fear being replaced.
• I constantly fear being too much to handle.
• I constantly fear being over-whelming.
• I constantly fear being pushed away/pushing others away.

Being in a relationship, for me, requires the other person to be extra-ordinary in that they possess a very high level of understanding, patience, and the desire to want to help me get past my issues so that we can attain balance. Often, these needs that I require make me feel like a burden to the other person and only increase my psychological problems/stress. Thus, I think even moreso that I will never be enough, I will always be alone, I am a fuck-up, I am undeserving, ect. In short, I need someone who will work with me and be willing to fit my needs so that I can be emotionally stable.

I don’t know why I am sharing all of this with you. Venting, perhaps.

I collect:

• Pens
• Antique and modern matchbooks
• Notebooks
• Pins
• Keychains
• Bookmarks
• Hello Kitty-related items
• Smurf-related items
• Black metal-related items
• Nordic history-related items

I make:

• Poems
• Baked goods
• Stories
• Movies
• Photographs
• Jewelry
• Music
• Inspiration

My favourite artistic mediums to work with are charcoal, ink, acryllics, photography and watercolour. I’ve been attempting some home-made printmaking recently.

I want to write more. I used to write a ton. I felt it helped prevent emotional build-up and the bottling-up of feelings which leads to self-combustion.

I’m a size 10 (mens, US) in shoes. I mostly wear combat/platform boots, Globe/Circa/Fallen/Osiris sneakers, and creepers.

I will only drink Voss, Fiji or Isbre water because it tastes better and doesn’t have added sodium like Aquafina and Poland Spring.

I have recently been adapting the habit of wearing rings. Previously, the only pieces of jewelry I would wear included an amethyst bracelet, sex bracelets, a mjölnir, and viking serpent necklace.

I would love to be in a successful relationship, but lately being single seems a lot more stress-free, and stress is one thing I certainly don’t need more of.

I’ve tried to kill myself multiple times via overdosing with meds, self-mutilation (with and without blood thinners), firearms, driving into ditches at high speeds.

All I really want to do is run away to somewhere very cold and void of people to envelop into the arms of nature as every trouble slips away.

I’ll update this continuously.

Hello fellow humans.

This is to anyone who cares enough to read this. I mentioned earlier how I was going to write an ‘About Me’- here it is. It’s not necessary that you read it, it’s just going to be here in case you’re wondering who I am and what I’m all about.

My name is Synne, nicknames include: Syn, Sin, and Casper. I’m 19- born February 4th in Tromsø, Norway, but I’ve spent most of my life in Long Island, NY. I’m in a relationship. I work part time at a tattoo & body piercing shop. I’m currently in college- minoring in Visual Arts and majoring in Forensic Chemistry. Once I graduate and get a Bachelor’s degree, I plan to move to Bergen, Norway and further my education in hope of one day becoming a Forensic Pathologist. My Norwegian is rather rusty, but I still speak the basics & I’m gaining back the knowledge of it gradually. I obviously speak English- along with a bit of German and some Latin (although it’s a dead language, I think it’s quite neat & I’ve kept with it since high school). Other than Norwegian, I’m also English, Scottish, and German.

Here are some random facts:

I’m bisexual (I prefer girls to boys at a ratio of 65:35), I’m 5’10.6”, bad spelling and grammar is a major pet peeve of mine and I’m obsessive about trying my best to maintain good (if not great) standards of the English language, I hate tans, my favourite season is Winter- I love the cold, I’m quite fond of any form of precipitation (rain, snow, sleet, hail, ect.), I like school, I love hoodies & band t-shirts (I practically collect them), I love to go grocery shopping, I love body mods, I have the worst self-confidence, I’ve been dying my hair since 3rd grade (naturally, it’s blonde & I’ve dyed it every colour except yellow), I have a super-high pain tolerance, I’m a sado-masochist, I don’t follow any form of religion but my beliefs stand somewhere between Agnostic and Pagan (Agnosgan/Paganostic? Haha), I like paintball and snowboarding, I have a brother that is 4 years younger than I am, I hate my voice, I love corsets, I used to play 6 instruments, I did ballet when I was younger, I hate fast food and soda- I’m a health freak, I love to travel- I want to see the world, I’m ambidextrous, my handwriting changes frequently, I’ve won several spelling bees in school (nerd!).

I like:

My boyfriend (he’s pretty neat :P), Going to concerts, METAL, Music, Art, Photography, Nature, Architecture, Forests, Mountains, Fjords, Lakes, Oceans, Rain, Snow, Animals, Travelling, Science, Philosophy, Psychology, Long hair, Hair dye, Drawing on myself, Sailing, Hello kitty, Technology, Platform boots, Makeup, History, Castles, Sex, Bondage/BDSM, Boobs, Girls, Pale skin, Going out late, CSI, Criminal Minds, Law & Order, WWII, Books, Cuddling, Kisses, Headbanging, Taking showers, Braids, Beards, Nordic mythology, Quotes, Pens, Sharpie markers, Edible art, Europe, Scandinavia, (Moleskine) Notebooks, Movies, Learning languages, and accomplishing things.

Some of my hobbies include:

Photography, Photo editing, Writing (literature & music), Reading, Drawing, Painting, Taking walks, Swimming, Cooking, Baking, Learning, Creating, Destroying, Driving, Sleeping, Waking up, Breathing, and improving myself (or at least trying to).

Things I couldn’t live without:

METAL, Christopher, My friends, Air, Water, Food, Art, The internet, My education, Freedom, and myself.

In case you haven’t noticed:

I’m offensive. I’m an individual. I’m obscene & vulgar. I like grotesque things. I live for Black Metal. I’m sexually expressive. I’m not willing to conform. I’m rather ‘down to Earth’ and easy to converse with. I’m not here to judge people. I’m not here to gain internet popularity- or any sort of popularity in fact, and I’m not here to gain followers. I abhor drama. I’m understanding. I give good advice. I tend to come off as racist but I truly am not.

To reiterate:

METAL, METAL, METAL, METAL! :D \m/

I will probably update as time progresses. Feel free to ask me anything or say hello. I promise I’m not that horrible. :P

Formspring | Ask Box | FaceBook | MySpace | Twitter | YouTube

I’m going to write an ‘About Me’ type thing and post it so all of you can see just how fucked up I am. And maybe then I will find other fucked up individuals and we can be fucked up together. <3